I always knew deep down that I loved the feeling of letting my imagination pulse through my mind down to my fingertips. From writing a wild story about aliens when I was 10 years old to typing this post at 31. The feeling of pure togetherness. Proud to put out my words, my thoughts, my opinions out to the universe. As most in my life would attest I am not great at verbally communicating so I would begin resorting to a notepad, phone, email or heck screaming conversations in my head. Thinking back, I don’t recall a time when I felt secure to speak my honest mind at that exact moment. Always end up having that screaming conversation of “Why didn’t you say that”… “you had the perfect opportunity”… Deep down I know this will be something I will work through and I am most certainly not alone. By typing out these words and getting this voice out, I will end up helping myself speak. I don’t want to be sitting on my couch in 20+ years cranking at the posts I see on the next new social media outlet. We have to many of those people out there. It is very easy to feel the comfort behind a computer or phone. I find my comfort in positive ways which I don’t feel as guilty for but can certainly see how easy it could be to evolve into THAT.
I am ashamed of what I can’t say out loud. This is something that I do battle with. It seems so easy and can be done with practice yet it seems to be one of the hardest things to navigate through. By letting my fingertips run ramped on my keyboard I begin to feel these tiny releases. Hard to explain. As I strive to make these words take a pitstop before they race down my arms, I know I will get there. BABYSTEPS. This is my therapy.
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